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Sunday, January 4, 2009

coMinG

14th of January is the first day of my final exam...
scare and worried bout it...
is left few more days to it...
am i manage to score??
this is the question that first came into my mind
because until this moment
i have not putting much in it
is like no confident at all
somehow
still need to try my best in it
and when Ivan spend his time study with me
some of the points really can remembered in my mind
because he is using some of the way to explain to me
and yet i remembered it
thanks...for spending time going revision with me...
really helps...

after my final exam is Chinese New Year....
is not as excited as last time
is like the environment surrounding me do not have the mood of Chinese New Year...
for me is like...Chinese New Year still a normal and simple days for me
nothing much...
and when Chinese New Year start
my college's holidays started...
i have more than one month of holiday
is long
and still long
have nothing do
thought of working at KL
but i do not know where am i going to work
have no idea
when back kuantan also will spend all my time in sleeping
eating
watching movie
and also playing games
feel like meaningless...
when i busy with studied,
will always have a thought of wanting holidays
when holidays come,
want studied days....
human...............

sometimes just feel like do not spend too much times in kuantan
school reopen
everyone busy with their STPM exam and all that
is not as free as me...
somehow
sometimes just miss all my kuantan's friends a lots
because..
is around 6 months i am not seeing them
is long...
this times going back
must meet them...

somehow
this long term of holidays
giving me some challenge
last time i had the experienced of this challenge
but i just feel like this times is much more different
do not know why
i should feel more hard in that previous challenge because is long term...
and yet now only one month which is in short term...
but just feel like hard
really hard...
do not know what will happened...
cannot predict it
and hope the previous problem will not came back to me...
which is uncomfortable
those misunderstanding is hard to solve
unless strong trusting really have...
somehow..
after this there will be much more easy way for me...

yesterday,
Kelven is asking me whether wanna visit somewhere when we are in college's holidays
i really have no idea...
he is telling me if i go
then all will go...
who is the persons who considered 'all'??
the original 5 persons included me or??
i really have no idea...
i still do not understand why...
things come to like this...
just a simple and easy problem
and its come to complicated and hard problems..l
friends in your mouth is coming this way??
there is no forgiveness in your heart???
sometimes
maybe the words that spoke out from my mouth is quite hurt and harshing
but
i am NOT those who simply scold out some bad words unless it is really out of my limitations...
something that you did really out of my limitations
and yet until this moment
you still think that i am who make all this happened
i am the one who did wrong
i am the one should handle all this problems...
some unexplainable thought came into my mind...
for me,
friends are so important
i did not want to lose anyone of you...
but do you really appreciate it??
all you do not care about it??
what is the meaning of friend in your heart???
answer it and you will know it...
that problems is dragging from last year until this year
some of my friends such as pit ling and kelven is helping me to solve it
but it helps nothing...
no effect
i thought you will understand everything and have much more mature thought
somehow
i think i am wrong in that perceptive...
no matter how...
this is only the feeling of my heart
not to dumb anyone...

9 more days to final exam